by: Sebastien Siclait & Moira Hamilton
I am in love with Sebastien Siclait. No one who knows me will find this to be a revolutionary idea. On the contrary it’s a boring one. It’s quite gross to be this into another person. I’m very aware of this and I’m sorry, but at the same time, I’m not that sorry at all.
Despite being so crazy obsessed with this human man, if you had asked me eight months ago if I thought I could live in seclusion with Sebastien, barely seeing anyone else for a majority of that time, I would've probably said... No? Fast forward seven months and I still look forward to seeing him when we wake up each day. It feels like barely any time has passed at all (important note, time is but a construct, but especially in quarantine). While living, right here right now in America, is often bleak—what with 211,000 dead and counting thanks to COVID; police and white supremacists emboldened by 45 (who threatens to topple what’s left of our democracy)—I have felt consistently lucky beyond words to have Seb by my side.
Rather than pontificating on how our relationship has bloomed throughout the continued downfall of the United States, we thought dipping our toes in some escapist nostalgia would make a more enticing experience for both You, reader, and us. So, I sat down with Sebastien in our living room on our couch (a Facebook marketplace steal), to chat with him about how we met. How in less than a year we went from complete strangers to ultimately making the somewhat reckless—but in my opinion hopelessly romantic—decision to get a place of our own. Enjoy.
- MH Sebastien: So I think you were, you were saying, we started all by chance.
Moira: Yeah. Um, it's crazy that we met because of the internet and—
Sebastien: Like Childish Gambino,
Moira: Yeah, we met because of Childish Gambino. No, no, we met because of the internet. And it was truly by chance... I was supposed to go on another Hinge date that evening I will have you know—I feel like you already know that.
Sebastien: I feel like you've told me that before.
Moira: But you were way cuter.
Sebastien: I also—I don't know if I've told you this—I did also kind of accidentally ask you out as quickly as I did.
Moira: So you didn't—you weren't planning on it? Why are you telling me this now?
Sebastien: It's not that I wasn't planning on doing it—I genuinely wanted to hang out with you. I was trying to subtly lean into it and then I feel like you took it entirely like, “Oh, hang out tonight?" I mean, once you suggested it, then I was totally on board.
Moira: At the time I was very much like, “I don't want to have to talk to people online,” because I had had way too many experiences where people were super chill on text or on Hinge. And then in real life they were total losers. So, I feel like the litmus test was: “let's go get a beer.”
Sebastien: Which honestly totally worked out for me because as I think you and everyone knows, I am terrible at texting or keeping up with text conversations. I think it's been the downfall as to why I haven't gone on many Hinge dates because—I think it's just easy for me to be kind of “out of sight, out of mind.”
Moira: Well, I'm glad we met in person. We got pho. I remember you wore a jean jacket. You were very cute. You were cuter than your pictures and your pictures were already very cute. So that was saying something.
Sebastien: You were also cute. I literally saw you walking into the restaurant from across the street and I was like, [whispers] "that's not her."
Moira: [laughing] Shut up. And then we went and walked around. And we were—we were in Glendale, right?
Sebastien: Glendale. Yeah. We went to a place I did walk to from my apartment.
Moira: Yeah. You were like, “Let's go the easiest possible location for this—so I can escape if it's a bad date.”
Sebastien: “I can just run home...” And then we walked to a bar close to my place and we got drinks. Um, and some guy seemingly was hitting on you or something like that.
Moira: Yeah. And I thought you were cute before that happened. And then I was like, “Oh, he's a MAN.” ‘Cause that guy was just being weird. And I don't remember what you said, but you shut him down. You fully told him to fuck off basically.
Sebastien: Yeah. Which is wild. ‘Cause I remember in the moment, not even fully thinking I was being that bad. And—
You weren't bad. It was good. The guy was being creepy.
Sebastien: But then I remember the moment where the guy got the message and was like, “Oh, look, aight I don't mean anything.” And he got up and walked away and I was like, “Oh, well that was more effective than I thought it would be.”
Moira: Yeah no it was good, it was really good.
Moira: And I think I talked a lot about incels.
Sebastien: You did, you did on our very first date, which gave some great context as to—
Moira: I think I wanted you to know, like, I wanna make sure you're not an incel—no I'm kidding.
Sebastien: Cool, cool, cool. Yeah. I guess I give off, that “might be an incel” vibe.
Moira: Definitely wanted to get politics, religion, all that jazz, right out there.
Sebastien: Which is a fascinating move considering you came in being like, “I gotta pound and get out of here.” [laughing]
Moira: Don't say that—that's getting edited! It's true that I was not looking... That's a good point. I was definitely in LA potentially temporarily. And I was not looking for a long-term situation, to say the least.
Sebastien: Which is, I mean to a certain extent, also true for me showing up on that date. Granted, you had a much more immediate short-term stint on your LA card. But I definitely was in no way committed to LA at the time. And I was not looking to start a big relationship. I think I just a couple months before fully reached my own kind of single, “just livin’ life,” “not trying to be anything” stage.
But it turns out you were so cute and very smart and tall, three huge green lights for me. And I remember we walked down Glendale some more, and we walked back to your place and you didn't kiss me. And I was offended, deeply.
Sebastien: That was the magic trick. You know, you gotta keep 'em curious.
Moira: You kept me interested.
Sebastien: I had a cab driver once tell me, "don't give women what they want too quick. Cause then, then they'll leave you—you solve the mystery and they're done." I don't know if that's true, but I do think in this moment I seem to have kept the allure of mystery going.
Moira: Then I feel like things just really went very quickly. I can't remember if it was after our first date or after our second date, but I said to my friend, Jeremy, whom you know, I said, "I met a man who I'm going to marry."
Sebastien: That is the most—
Moira: Jeremy said, “You need to chill out.” And he was right. But also, he was wrong because here we are. We're not married. I'm so sorry.
Sebastien: Yeah. Woah. Are you secretly about to propose to me? I didn't realize that's what we were doing here. I had a moment where—I had not been on many first dates—and I think I was going on these first dates and not being super impressed. Just being like, maybe that's what first dates are. A date with someone you don't know? That's never going to go well. At the very best my thought process was it just, it doesn't go poorly. And I had many first dates which didn't go poorly. And then we went on our first date and it went super well. And it was so shocking. I think that was if anything part of why I didn't kiss you or anything like that. I—I didn’t want to kiss and essentially be telling you, “This was great!” And then worry that you’d be like, “Oh, it was fine.” So, I was like, let’s keep it safe. And honestly, I ended up feeling bad after you texted me. ‘Cause I had left thinking, “I have to tell her that I had a really good time,” and “I want to go on a second date!” And then you ended up texting me. And I was like, “Oh no.”
Moira: Yeah. You let it sit for—I thought you were going to text me that night. And I think you let it sit for over 24 hours. Once I got the green light from someone that I could text you, we had a good conversation. And then you, then you pushed the envelope because for our second date, you were like, “let's go hang out with my married friends.” I was like, "Oh my god, this is.. this is the real deal." But they were, you know, young and hip and it didn't feel weird at all.
Sebastien: Yeah. Yeah. It definitely, it was an interesting move.
Moira: But it was good. We saw a movie too. We saw MIDSOMMAR—about a horrible relationship.
Sebastien: Yeah. I feel like a first date where you talk about incels can only be followed up with a second date where you go and see MIDSOMMAR. I think it's the only rightful thing to do.
Moira: Then you came back to the house I was house sitting at.
Sebastien: Yes. And we watched an entire season of FLEABAG. Yes. And then we kissed and were wholesome the rest of the evening. Nothing else happened.
Moira: Basically, what you need to gather there is that Sebastien did not make a move for a full entire season of FLEABAG. He did hold my hand though.
Sebastien: It is British TV. So, it was only six episodes.
Moira: It was very cute.
Moira: After we'd seen a movie and gone on a date and had dinner.
Sebastien: We definitely came back very late.
Moira: So, basically, we went on a 10-hour date.
Moira: It was good though. And then from there, I think we were pretty inseparable for the next month. And then I had to leave.
Sebastien: And she left for a month... before even like, defining anything.
Moira: I remember we had a conversation right before I left to go back home. And I didn't want to be uncool ‘cause I still didn't know your story. And I was just like, “Eehhh, I don't know if I should ask,” but I didn't want you to see other people and I didn't want to see other people. So, I just like phrased it in a way—
Sebastien: Entirely in a way of like, "so you can like see other people if you want."
Moira: I totally did it in a way that on NORMAL PEOPLE, they would have broken up after that conversation. ‘Cause I was like, “you can see other people... if you want.”
Sebastien: Yeah, it was kind of weird cause I think I would say I left the conversation almost feeling confident in this idea that, “she's fine with me seeing other people... but it does not seem like she will be seeing other people.”
Moira: So, I should've just told you what I really thought.
Sebastien: But I did not want to see anyone else. It's so cheesy to say, but it was like the whole idea of longing makes the heart grow fonder. I do think that month came at such an interesting time.
Moira: It was like right when we were getting not "serious", but we were truly hanging out all the time and had had some like pretty like heartfelt moments, like, yeah, I don't know. We'd had some real deep chats, et cetera. I remember we had already done some woo woo CoStar app situation and I had not put in your info yet. And when I got on the plane to go home, I read our full match thing and I remember crying like “This is too real. This seems too perfect. I'm stressed.” And I listened to Fleet Foxes’ Crack Up the whole plane ride home, and most of that month. It was very much romcom-esque, me pining over you from a coast away.
Sebastien: You're so cute—I actually did not know that you were listening to it all the whole time while you were away. That's adorable.
Moira: Oh yeah, it was like fully downloaded on my phone... We also sent each other uh... dinky cards... which I took way too seriously.
Sebastien: No, not at all. I would say—
Moira: If—if you were someone who was worried about commitment or relationships, you would have ran away getting that card that I wrote you.
Sebastien: Well, I was quite the opposite. To receive such a sweet, heartfelt, genuine card... that was just speaking from the heart. I think it, um, not only was an exciting moment for like me realizing how much I liked you. Um, [whisper] loved you, Um, but it could also be this moment for me to realize “Wow, like I, what if being around this person can help me get more and more to a place where like, I can—I'm like this again, you know?” Cause I feel like I started to close myself off in certain ways. But it made me want to be with someone who kind of just through their own genuine energy and love and oooey-gooey puddle-ness could just be an amazing, uh, sort of leader by example towards being a better person.
Moira: You're so cute. Yeah. It was crazy. All to say, I love you very much.
Sebastien: I love you very much.
Moira: Thank you for quarantining with me.
Sebastien: Thank you for quarantining with me. Kiss.
Moira: Kiss. We made out.
Help. I have been trapped with Moira Hamilton for what feels like ages. She is the worst. She’s also been a major part of my support system, be it when I worried my mom might not get back into the US from Haiti when they locked down travel for the pandemic, or during the months of protests against racism and police brutality, or when the anxiety of a life in quarantine simply got to be too much. As the world has continued to throw down its obstacles, we have seen that we are stronger.
Maybe it’s egotistical to think anyone cares for this conversation where we reflect on our own lives. However, it’s felt selfish to hog up so much of the sunshine this lovely person has for the world. So though we can’t end the pandemic or bring back those lives lost or forever changed, we hope that for just a moment, we’ve shined a little bit of light in the dark. - SS
For more from these lovers, watch their short film SHIT YOU MIGHT FIGHT ABOUT IN A QUARANTINE below:
Sebastien Siclait is a writer and software developer living and working in Los Angeles, CA. He’s also an actor and a director. So really he is continually confused but knows he enjoys theater, movies, and video games. Catch more of his confusion at www.sebastiensiclait.com or on Instagram at @sebi_thecrab
Moira Hamilton is a writer and filmmaker living in Los Angeles, CA, currently working in the documentary world. In her spare time she dabbles in mixology, rearranging her furniture, and learning more (freaking out) about outer space. Stay tuned to her freak outs at www.moirahamilton.com or on Instagram at @lilbreezee